ACT 1: GARAGE CONVERTED INTO AN ART STUDIO. IAM crouches eating em&ems from a bag. They are all yellow. IAM continues pulling em&ems from the bag repeatedly marvelling at the endless yellow. IDO is offstage left rummaging quietly through a pile of something. IAM may remark periodically as necessary to attain affect during the yellow em&em episode. IAM eats em&em. Looks around curiously, not expectantly. Pulls more em&ems out one by one looking at them each time, putting them each back in the bag. IAM finally eats an em&em. Loud rummaging is heard offstage left. IAM throws em&em up and into his mouth. IAM Yellow. Rummaging stops suddenly. IDO sticks head into view stage left. IDO What? IAM IAM pulls em&em from bag. It's yellow. IDO Oh. IDO disappears. Resumes rummaging. IAM looks around curiously some more. IAM What are you doing? IDO Pokes head back in. What? IAM IAM Continues playing with em&ems, doesn't look at IDO. (With a curiosity) What are you doing? IDO (Pause, exacerrated) I don't know. (Pause) IDO disappears briefly. Suddenly enters stage expectantly. And you? IAM What? IDO What are you doing? IAM Talking to you. IDO But, what are you doing? IAM Sitting. IDO (Pause) Apparently. May I have one? IAM IAM throws em&em. They're yellow. IDO IDO examines m&m. You don't say. IDO eats the em&em. Walks around stage as if looking for something. (Without looking) Another. IAM What? IDO (Now looking) A yellow one. IAM throws em&em which is caught in IDO's mouth, who then looks away appearing satisfied. IDO sits next to IAM. (Pause) Let me put it another way. What am I doing? IAM Do you mean now? IDO Later, whenever. IAM I don't know what you mean. IDO What am I doing? IAM Shouldn't you know? Silent repeat of em&em request, toss, and catch. IDO (Long pause) Shouldn't we be doing something? IAM (Doubtful.) Aren't we? IDO Aren't we what? IAM Doing something. IDO But what are we doing? IAM (Pause, under serious consideration) I don't know? (Pause) Hanging out? IDO Doing what? Signals for another em&em. Throws em&em up and is caught in IDO's mouth. IAM What should we be doing? IDO (Pause.) I don't know. IDO gets up, looks around, looks down at IAM. As if obligated, IAM stands) (Pause) Don't you want to do something? IAM I'm fine. IDO You don't want to do something? IAM Perhaps. IDO So let's do something. IAM Okay. IDO Okay what? IAM We should do something. IDO Okay. IAM Okay what. IDO Let's do something. IAM What should we do? IDO Indeed! (Brief pause-continues exacerrated) Who are you? IAM I'm me. IDO Well I'm doing something (Pause, calmly imploring) What do we usually do? IAM I don't know. IDO I think we've done this before. IAM What are we doing? IDO (Sighs, crouches down) I don't know. IAM crouches down. IDO notices confused/annoyed, so stands back up. IAM continues crouching. IDO resumes wandering around stage as if looking for something. Finally sits down in empty seat in front row. IAM (Pointing at audience) Who are they? IDO (Looking around) Who? IAM Them. IDO Them? IAM Them. IDO I don't know. (Pause) What are they doing? IAM Who? IDO Them. IAM I don't know. IAM stands up, leaves em&ems on stage. IDO I see. IAM Are they important? IDO Hard to say. IAM Is that what you think? IDO It's what I know. IAM I see. (Pause, exacerrated, scared.) Who are we? IDO I've got it. Questions and answers. IAM How do you mean? DOUBT enters stage left. IDO You be us and she'll be them. IAM Who's she? DOUBT Hey guys. IDO She's them. IAM Who are they? DOUBT Whatcha' doing? IDO (To DOUBT) You're asking us questions. He'll Answer. IAM We're answering questions? DOUBT You want to watch a movie? BOTH NOT NOW! IAM I don't get it. IDO She'll be them. We'll be us. IAM Ah, she'll ask us questions. IDO We'll answer. DOUBT What are you doing? IAM Good question. IDO Good answer. DOUBT What's the point of this? IAM To know who we are? IDO To know what you're doing. DOUBT What do you want to do? IAM Be who we are. IDO Do what we do. DOUBT What are you? What do you do? IAM (As if in revelation) We're artists. IDO We create. DOUBT How do you know? IAM It's the way it's always been. IDO It's what we do. DOUBT What's that? IDO We tell stories. IAM It's true. DOUBT (Getting tired of the game.) Why don't we watch a movie? IDO We could. IAM It is an option. DOUBT Look if this is a bad time...?! IAM Not at all IDO It's just that. DOUBT You're confused. IAM To say the least. IDO It's the most we can do. DOUBT Maybe you need a break. IAM From what? IDO It seems like we've just begun. DOUBT I'll go then... IAM That's not necessary. IDO We could watch a movie. DOUBT Do you want to watch a movie. IAM Maybe. IDO It's just that. DOUBT I'm going. Doubt Exits. IAM Another time then. IDO There they go. IAM (Pause) It's like they're still here. IDO And nothings changed. IAM Everythings changed. They wander and look about the stage. IAM walks to side of stage, peaks at whatever IDO was rummaging through previously. IDO What do you see? IAM Stuff. IDO What kind of stuff? IAM A lot. IDO Of what? IAM Stuff. Faces IDO. IDO (Pause) It doesn't intrigue you? IAM What? IAM disappears offstage. We hear him quietly picking up stuff from the pile of junk. IDO Anything. (Pause, IDO stands up and wanders rhetorically) For example, how long have we been here? I live as a man and a man has a finite beginning and end. Beginning and end requiring a middle we presume to have knowable and measurable increments. At what point are we on this journey? And why are we here? Is there no purpose to all our toil than to get up at the beginning, BLINK, and lie back down at the end? Perhaps, but is it not the preogative of the thinking man to expect more than a blink? We could turn to Shakespeare who so nobly muses that the whole blink is a stage. "A kingdom for a stage, and monarchs to behold the swelling scene. Think when we talk of horses that you see them, turning the accomplishments of many years into an hourglass. Gently to hear, kindly to judge this blink of a life. (Said to IAM offstage left) What is all this stuff about? (Pause) If, in the end, I am to lie back down, hopefully smiling at my blink, what is all this stuff but cheap props... (Pause) IAM appears partially on stage wearing a mask of no recognizable persona holding a briefcase and a umbrella. He leaves again while IDO continues. ...coloring An otherwise black and white story. We spend our entire lives wondering what we're doing, never quite sure if we're doing what we should be doing... (Pause) Never quite sure what we should be thinking and not doing. IAM returns, backing clumsily onto stage, now with the mask on the back of his head a guitar slung over his shoulder pulling a scrim out halfway across the stage. During the proceeding monologue IAM is fiddling with the guitar, holding it up, looking inside, shaking it, looking up the fret etc... It must mean something besides a lack of interest in one's own activities. What is the significance of one moment over another? Vonnegut suggests that no moment is any more valuable than any other. Every moment existing simultaneously, simultaneously futile. And amusing. (Pause) If this were true we can safely assume that humans are fundamentally flawed, helplessly driven to do more and attain this or that thing or title when it really doesn't matter. (Pause) Socrates, gadfly that he was, contends that there is no greater activity than the tending of one's soul and if we knew what was good we couldn't help but be good. (Brief pause) And yet, I don't see it. Good at what? For what? We are what we do and what we do is neither good or bad therefore tending our soul must be little more than doing what we do and being glad in it. An ant doesn't ask, "What am I doing." He just does. IAM (Strums guitar) Does he? IDO Certainly. And you? IAM (Tunes one string) I don't know that much about ants. IDO About what? IAM Any of it. Ants, bugs in general. IAM starts and stops playing the guitar building on a theme as if looking for something. IDO gets up and examines IAM like an art exhibit. During the proceeding monologue IDO paces a bit, then wanders off stage right to peer off into the distance. IAM continues to play the musical theme softly. IAM Oh I get it. Like a bird. A bird doesn't ask, "What am I doing," either. He just is. "CaCAW! Hey! Let's fly over there. Over here, let's fly here. Over there, I think there might be a good worm over there." Y'know like a seagull, flying up as high as you can, back down as fast as you can, falter stall, try again. Discovering the slow roll, the point roll, the inverted spin, the pinwheel. But seagulls don't falter, it's a disgrace. Seagulls don't bother to learn more than the simplest facts of flight. "This flying business is all very well, but you can't eat a glide. Don't forget the reason you fly is to eat." But it's all so pointless, screeching and fighting, diving for scraps of food. "We can be free. We can learn to fly." All the other seagulls wondering what you're doing? "You Jonathan stop that, do you think you're some sort of hawk or pelican?" Staring at you bird eyed as if you were some sort of dodo. "For violating the dignity of tradition of birds everywhere, and otherwise flying recklessly you are banished to a solitary life on the far cliffs." (Pause) We must be the same way really. (IDO displays interested again.) We might say, "Hey. Let's build a city here. How about we start a country there. We'll make things and sell them to each other. Hey, look at this, look at what we did." (Pause while continuing to play the guitar.) IDO waits for more, it doesn't come so he starts to wander off, IAM continues then and IDO rolls his eyes and returns his attention. Then only later do we make up all sorts of explanations for what we've done, somehow trying to give it some great meaning. Explaining and justifying everything, using it as some excuse for doing the next big thing. (Pause while continuing to play the guitar.) IDO waits for more again, it doesn't come so IDO starts to wander off, IAM continues then, IDO stops momentarily but doesn't return attention this time. IDO looks around some more than exits stage left, he returns shortly with the briefcase and sits back down rifling through the papers in the case. But we're just like the seagulls really. Flitting about making nests filling them with stuff to make them more comfortable, occasionally hanging out on a line or maybe singing and dancing trying to attract a mate. "Hey, look at me, look at my big nest, look at my pretty feathers, you want to make little birds and fly around? I know where a big worm is... (Pause) But maybe we could fly a little higher. And love all the seagulls no matter how high they fly. (Interupted by IDO, IAM stops playing the guitar) IDO (Studying a script from the briefcase.) Don't you wonder where all this stuff came from? IAM Do you? IDO What? IAM Wonder where all this stuff came from. IDO Yes. And I'm wondering what you're doing? IAM I must be wondering what we're doing. IDO There must be some purpose behind it all. IAM Should there? IDO No. (Pause) And still I can't help but think that we should be doing something. Wouldn't you like to be doing something? IAM Of course. IDO What shall we do? IAM (Long pause) Nope, I can't think of it. IDO What'd we say we were going to do yesterday? IAM This. IDO What is this? IAM This. IDO What do we usually do? IAM Talk. IDO (Stands up in epiphany, slams down briefcase) I've got it, we could put on a show. IAM Could we? IDO Certainly. IAM Should we. IDO We must. IAM Okay. Let's put on a show then. IDO Excellent. BLACK OUT. Drum roll. Lights come back up and the scene is reset it was in the beginning, IAM crouched with em&ems and IDO offstage left. IAM What kind of show? IDO (Sticks head onto stage. Disappears.) What? IAM What kind of show? IDO (Emerges suddenly.) How about a concert? IAM A rockshow. IAM starts playing something intense and dramatic with a popular flair. IDO Of course. (Stands up.) We'll compose the most amazing avant-garde yet accessible music and write inspriring, provoking, even obscure lyrics. We'll start out with a small following and we'll prove to be influential like the Doors or the Velvet Underground. (Sung/spoke in a bad impersonation) I am the lizard king and I'm waiting for my man. IAM (Stops playing) Sounds good. IDO Really? IAM Hard to say. IDO It is isn't it. IAM (Takes guitar off and sets it aside.) We'd have to practice. IDO We would. IAM picks up the em&ems IDO I don't really know an instrument. IAM Could be a road block. IDO Or sing. IAM Makes things difficult. IAM throws em&em IDO catches. IDO What about a dance show? IAM Moving. IDO It is (Starts dancing awkwardly) It would be very deep and meaningful. Throws another em&em, IDO catches, then IAM goes right into interpretive dance with IDO, incorporating the em&em toss and catch move. IAM Without words we would reveal the equation of life. Birth plus life divided by death equals... TOGETHER AFTERLIFE! IDO It would be the next big phantom of the dance sort of thing. IAM We could revive dance as a popular art form. IDO (Stops suddenly) Probably not. IAM I'm not a choreographer. IDO I can't dance. IAM We could learn. IDO We could. IAM Mediocre at best. IDO Perfect. A boy band. Loud pop boy band music comes on. They bust some cool "hip hop dance moves." Suddenly stops. IAM Bad. IDO At best. IAM What else? IDO An opera? They badly mimic an opera briefly. IAM I'm not Italian. IDO I don't speak it. IAM Or sing it... IDO A musical then. IAM What's it about? IDO What? IAM What's the story? IDO A story. Of course. (Pause, actively thinking) Young lovers in the park. A classic story. Singing and dancing/acting as if this were the musical. IAM (Directing) I'll be here - You'll be there IDO (Retrieving umbrella from stage left propped on his shoulder) I've just arrived - a little late IAM I am he - you are she They are walking now arm in arm as if in the park. TOGETHER Young lovers walking in the park. IAM I'll be shy - and nervous (Tosses umbrella to IAM) You'll be shy - and nervous IDO (Tosses umbrella to IDO) It's a classic story IAM (Tosses umbrella to IAM) Young lovers in love IDO (Tosses umbrella to IDO) Young lovers in love TOGETHER (Tosses umbrella to IAM) Young lovers in love IAM (Pokes umbrella at ground) But what's the point? IDO I thought it was going rather well. IAM But what is the point? IDO This isn't like you. IAM It's just that... IDO What? IAM What if we don't have anything to say? IDO We're storytellers. We have plenty to say. IAM We need to say it. IDO We have too much to say. IAM (Gestures to audience) What if they don't understand it. IDO They'll understand. IAM What if they don't care. IDO If they understand they'll care. IAM So we're putting on a show? IDO (Pause, frustrated) What's the point? IAM We're storytellers. IDO So what's our story? IAM (Slowly paces the studio thinking) I've got it. We could do a show...y'know a story. A funny story. (Pause) That's it! You come up with a show that's funny. A show that's really funny. (Pause) I'm so good at this. IDO What's it about? IAM Y'know, it's funny. It's about half an hour. Y'know, funny. You'll make a funny show. IDO I'll make a show? IAM We'll make a show. IDO You'll make a show? IAM Yeah, let's do it. IDO Uh... IAM Let's do it. IDO Okay. IAM Okay. IDO Okay! IAM Okay! BLACKOUT. End of act 1 ACT 2: SAME PLACE, SAME TIME The scene is reset as the beginning of ACT 1. IAM is crouching going through the em&em routine. IDO is offstage left rummaging through pile of stuff. IAM Huh, yellow. Loud rummaging is heard offstage left. IAM Yellow. Rummaging stops suddenly. IDO stick head into view. IDO What? IAM pulls an em&em from the bag and throws it and IDO catches it in his mouth. IAM It's yellow. IDO Oh. IDO disappears and resumes rummaging. IAM looks around curiously. IDO suddenly enters stage. IDO Doesn't it seem strange to you? IAM What? IDO (Gestures for em&em) IDO gestures for an em&em. IAM tosses and IDO catches it in hand this time stoppping it from entering mouth. IDO They're all yellow. IAM Yes. IDO (Picks up em&em bag examines it) Yes they're all yellow or yes it's strange? IAM I don't know. IDO (Eats an em&em) What are we doing? IAM You want to do something? IDO What were we going to do yesterday? IAM This. IDO What is this? IAM I don't know (Pause) It's all so new. IDO It's all been done before. IAM It's like starting over. IDO Except that they're still here. IAM It's like they never left. IDO Hanging over our heads as if something were about to happen. IAM Like we were on display. IDO The story of our lives. IAM Like a show that never started. IDO A show without a point. IAM Makes you think. IDO I do. IAM How do you start. IDO We make a choice. IAM It just happens. IDO Once it's started. IAM So we've chosen. IDO It's beyond our control. IAM It's always been this way. IDO I say, "Let's do a show." IAM I say, "Call me when it's ready." IDO I never started. IAM We never stopped. IDO It's all so ambiguous. IAM Still here we are. IDO Again. IAM Talking about it, despite ourselves. IDO To spite ourselves. (Pause) We can't help it. IAM It's what we do. IDO Almost as good as doing it. IAM It seems that way. IDO We could tell our story. IAM Be what you are. IDO Write about what you know. IAM We're artists. IAM wheels out small desk with typewriter, the briefcase is with the desk. IDO (IDO sits down at desk.) We'll tell our story. IAM There was a story. IDO (As if about to type.) Inspired if I recall. IAM We were on a journey. IDO Where did we start. IAM Here. IDO (Long pause.) I can't do it. IAM We've already started. IDO I cower before the blank sheet of paper. The ultimate nothing. IAM The absolute possibility. IDO Drowning in it. IAM Someone else's story then. (Proffers briefcase) IDO (Opens briefcase) For reference at least. IDO rifles through papers in briefcase. Picks out a script and tosses one to IAM. IDO Here we Godot. IAM (Leafs through pages.) Okay. I'm waiting. They act as though they are getting into character. Then continue "reading" from the script, with extra emphasis as if acting. ESTRAGON/IAM What do we do now? VLADIMIR/IDO I don't know. ESTRAGON/IAM Let's go. VLADIMIR/IDO We can't. ESTRAGON/IAM Why not? VLADIMIR/IDO We're waiting for Godot. ESTRAGON/IAM (Despairingly) Ah! VLADIMIR/IDO (Pause) How they've changed! ESTRAGON/IAM Who? VLADIMIR/IDO (Gesturing away then confused back at themselves.) Those two. ESTRAGON/IAM That's the idea, let's make a little conversation. VLADIMIR/IDO Haven't they? ESTRAGON/IAM What? VLADIMIR/IDO Changed. ESTRAGON/IAM Very likely. They all change. Only we can't. VLADIMIR/IDO Likely! It's certain. Didn't you see them? ESTRAGON/IAM I suppose I did. But I don't know them. VLADIMIR/IDO Yes you do know them. ESTRAGON/IAM No I don't know them. VLADIMIR/IDO We know them, I tell you. You forget everything. (Pause. To himself.) Unless they're not the same... ESTRAGON/IAM Why didn't they recognize us then? VLADIMIR/IDO That means nothing. I too pretended not to recognize them. And then nobody ever recognizes us. IAM (As himself, putting down script.) That passed the time. IDO Wait. You started over. IAM No I didn't. IDO (Leafing back to find it) Yes, here it is. That's my line. VLADIMIR/IDO That passed the time. IAM It would have passed in any case. VLADIMIR/IDO Yes, but not so rapidly. IAM (Pause) What do we do now? IDO Something else then? IAM (Leafing through briefcase) Something less obscure. IDO Something more accessible. IAM More complete (Pause, continues reflective) There's a lot of stuff in here. So many stories of life and dreams. Romance and death. Little people doing big things. Big people doing little things. The best and worst of humanity. But life is not a story. Compelling cohesive events demonstrating a struggle conquered or a struggle lost is a story. We tell stories all day long, but however well told they may be, these are historical accounts, lacking in plot what the entirety of life fails to provide with the cost of admission. IDO And us? IAM As best I can tell we're bit players living out the scenes between all the action. IDO Pawns then? IAM Or props. IDO But we were supposed to do something? IAM Not unless we're supposed to. IDO Destiny. IAM It would be inevitable. IDO Show me. IAM (Tosses script to IDO) Julius Caesar. IDO Takes gaul. IAM And he did. Born of senatorial parents who died before nepotism could set in, Caesar finds himself in dire straits. IDO Not to be undone, he launches a successful political and military career. CAESAR/IDO I will be consul. CROWD Okay. CAESAR/IDO Hey Pompey, cut a deal? POMPEY/IAM Sounds good. CAESAR/IDO Tricked you. Sword fighting. Briefcase is used as shield. Pompey dies. Caesar rides desk to stage right. CAESAR/IDO Onto Gaul. GAUL/IAM Pluck you. Sword fighting. Gaul dies. Caesar rides desk back to offstage left. CAESAR/IDO Back to Rome. CROWD Hail Caesar. SENATOR1/IAM I don't like it. SENATOR2/IAM Me either. CAESAR/IDO (CAESAR emerges) Calm down. SOOTHSAYER/IAM Beware. ANTONY/IAM Be king. CAESAR/IDO I can't. CROWD Hail Caesar! ANTONY/IAM Will you be king? CAESAR/IDO I won't. CROWD Hail Caesar! ANTONY/IAM Please be king! CAESAR/IDO I am king! CROWD Hail Caesar? CASSIUS/IAM This can't be good. CONSPIRATORS We must kill him. BRUTUS/IAM I don't know. CONSPIRATORS But we must. BRUTUS/IAM I'm not sure. CONSPIRATORS It's for the greater good. BRUTUS/IAM Okay. BRUTUS stabs CAESAR. CAESAR/IDO Et tu? ANTONY/IAM Friends, Romans, countrymen... CROWD Kill the traitors! Civil war. Various conspirators are killed. Brutus comes under attack. BRUTUS/IAM This isn't going so well. BRUTUS kills himself. ANTONY/IAM (Lamenting) The noblest dies. (Pause) Oh well, next king. OCTAVIUS/IDO You'll get yours. IAM and IDO bow. BLACKOUT. Desk is wheeled back out and IDO is sitting at it. LIGHTS UP. IDO And what do we learn from that? IAM Rome is doomed. IDO That relates to us. IAM We're doomed? IDO You don't believe that. IAM Or not. IDO (Pause) Like Caesar or Brutus or even the citizens of Rome, we all have a role to play. IAM I don't think we can do it. IDO How so? IAM We all have three roles to play. Doubt enters. DOUBT Hey guys. IDO (IDO stands up.) They've returned. IAM They've always been here. DOUBT Whatcha doing? IDO You know us? DOUBT (Matter of fact) You're still confused. IAM She knows us. IDO And we know her. DOUBT What WERE you doing? IAM A show. IDO Julius Caesar. DOUBT Why would you do that. Men are stupid, men die. Fascinating. It's pointless. IAM We were wondering the same thing. DOUBT What are you going to do next. IDO We will continue. IAM The show must go on. DOUBT You're making a show? IAM Should we? DOUBT Why would you do that? IDO We must. DOUBT What's it about? IAM We were hoping you would know. DOUBT So you were expecting me? IDO We were counting on it. DOUBT We could watch a movie. IAM Only if we're supposed to. DOUBT Why don't we watch a movie? IDO Because we're making a show. DOUBT How do you know you're supposed to do that? IAM We are what we are. DOUBT Oh. That's right. (Mockingly) You're artists. IDO (To IAM) I told you she knows us. DOUBT What do you hope to accomplish? IAM A show. IDO Our destiny. DOUBT I suppose you think you'll become rich and famous. IAM Obscure, at the least. IDO Influential, at most. DOUBT Entertaining would be helpful. (Pause) What about making a living? Surviving. It's all fine to have dreams, but you still have to live in the real world. IAM I don't know what that means. IDO When it comes to dreams sometimes you have to take a chance. DOUBT Hardly destiny then is it? IAM She's got us there. IDO Hardly. Who's to say destiny doesn't involve my direct participation? DOUBT You can hardly have one without the other. All I'm saying is that if it's such a struggle maybe it isn't destiny. IAM But it is a story. IDO And a story is a show. DOUBT Or a tragic spectacle. IAM Show us. (Proffers briefcase.) DOUBT (Rifles through scripts in briefcase.) Okay. (Tosses scripts to IAM and IDO.) Try this. IDO (Leafing through script) Ah, a tale of the orient. IAM Wise choice. DOUBT We'll see. BROTHER1 and BROTHER2 are farming in a field/rice paddy. BROTHER2/IDO It is hot today, brother. BROTHER1/IAM It's always hot. (Pause.) I am glad that we will not be short on food again this season. BROTHER2/IDO We are so often short on food. And yet we work so hard everyday to feed our families. Every day is a struggle. BROTHER1/IAM There must be more than this. BROTHER2/IDO Remember when we were kids? BROTHER1/IAM We were going to be Samurai. We would bring honor to our family and country. BROTHER2/IDO We would practice for hours and pretending to fight glorious battles. They reenact the scene from their childhood, sparring. Papa moves into scene. BROTHER1/IAM Papa would come out. BROTHER2/IDO Papa would shake his head and say... PAPA/DOUBT Your honor is here, finding a wife, having children, and serving them. BROTHER2/IDO But Papa we would be the best Samurai. You would be so proud. PAPA/DOUBT I would be proud if you would perform your duty. BOTH Yes, Papa. Papa moves out of scene. BROTHER1/IAM But we have done our duty, and we are unhappy. BROTHER2/IDO Is it not too late for us to become Samurai. BROTHER1/IAM We would bring honor to our family and to our country. Wife enters scene. WIFE/DOUBT Are you two talking and not working again. You are lucky there is enough food this season. BROTHER1/IAM My beautiful wife, because of this surplus, Brother and I were thinking that now is the time to go join the Samurai. WIFE/DOUBT Not those fantasies again. You put that out of your head. BROTHER1/IAM Silence. We will not. We have served our families well and you will live well until next season when we shall return. BROTHER2/IDO Please understand we must become what we have always wanted to be. WIFE/DOUBT I understand that you are my brother-in-law and he is my husband. That is all I understand. BROTHER1/IAM You will be proud. You will see. BROTHER2/IDO Take care and we will back in time to plant for next season, but as Samurai. The brothers exit. WIFE/DOUBT I hope they know what they are doing. Wife crouches down in hood and then comes back up with puppet show, oriental music is playing. Doubt plays puppeteer and may speak in funny voices when acting out any of the scenes. She holds two stick puppets representing the brothers moving them back and forth as if hiking on a great journey. PUPPETEER/DOUBT It was a long journey to the Samurai school. ("Sure is far!" Puppets begin to tire and walk slower.) The brothers were not in as good of shape as they thought and days turned into weeks. ("I'm tired, I hope we get there soon." Puppeteer brings up a stick puppet with two men on horses.) The roads were fraught with dangers. They were attacked by thieves who stole their meager belongings. (Thief men on horses and attack) When they were finally strong enough to continue they wandered into a small town. (Enter town puppet. "Surely these people will help us on our noble goal." Switch town puppet for mob of people.) But when they explained their situation... ("So you two old men left your families to follow a fool's errand?" Mob attacks brothers.) So they continued on hungry and penniless. They begin to question their journey. ("Perhaps we should go back.") Meanwhile war has broken out in their home province. (Two army puppets duke it out) The brothers are now cut off from their families. ("It is too late. It must be destiny that we make this journey." Some random people puppets wander by. "Are you coming to fight the war." "The gods have sent us on a mission." "Your only mission is to fight for your country." "We will.") The brothers continue on unwavering to their desire. (Brother puppets exit, burning house and two woman puppet enter. "What has happened to our home? What has happened to our husbands?" Crying is heard.) Enter brothers through audience. PUPPETEER stands up and becomes Samurai Janitor. BROTHER1/IAM Finally we have made it. Do see the Samurai temple in the distance. BROTHER2/IDO I see it Brother. We shall finally be Samurai. Look there is a Samurai. BROTHER1/IAM Lo, we have come to be one of you. SAMURAI JANITOR/DOUBT So, you want to be like me? BROTHER2/IDO Yes, very much. We have traveled long and far and suffered much. BROTHER1/IAM We want to bring honor to our country and family. SAMURAI JANITOR/DOUBT Your journey will be much longer and you will suffer much more to become like me. BROTHER1/IAM We will do whatever is required to become one of your honored elite. SAMURAI JANITOR/DOUBT Oh and we are elite. Then if you are ready, here... (Tosses two brooms to brothers.) ...show me what you've got. The brothers look confused for a moment, then shrugging shoulders begin to spar with brooms. SAMURAI JANITOR/DOUBT Wait wait, what are you doing? BROTHER1/IAM Are we not good? We can train more. BROTHER2/IDO Oh, I see master. We must sweep before and be disciplined to become Samurai. SAMURAI JANITOR/DOUBT Samurai, HA! I am the janitor for the Samurai temple. All the Samurai have gone to defend the families back in the direction you have come. Brothers cry out, realizing the mistake they have made. IAM, IDO, and Doubt take bows. BLACK OUT. Desk is wheeled back out and IDO is sitting at it. LIGHTS UP. IDO What are you getting at. IAM That was a horrible story. DOUBT Makes my point though wouldn't you say? IAM We're doomed. IDO You don't believe that. DOUBT Maybe you do. IDO That's not the point. Like statistics you can always find a story that makes a specific point, but does it apply? IAM Did you know that statistics were invented because some guy was fascinated with rabbit pee. DOUBT If the story fits... IAM But I don't have a family. DOUBT Or rabbits, but the fact is if you were storytellers wouldn't you already have put on a show? IDO We've put on shows before. IAM We're storytellers. DOUBT Let me think, there was...or, no wait...nope, can't think of one. Very obscure and influential. IDO Okay, you can just stop that now. No need to discredit our work purely on it's amateur status. IAM And you might hurt someone's feelings. IDO We're not doing this necessarily for any reason. IAM We'd be happy doing it here. For ourselves, for friends. IDO For the sheer joy of doing it. (To himself) Not to say if was good we wouldn't mind... DOUBT Fine then, keep up with your fantasies. I'll come back later and we can watch a movie. Doubt leaves IDO (To doubt as she leaves.) Or watch a show. IAM What movie were you thinking... IDO What are you thinking? IAM Well a movie does sound nice. IDO What about the show? IAM That sounds nice too. What's it about. IDO Our story. A classic tale. IAM (Excited) Tortured artists? Tortured maidens? IDO Yes that sort of thing. IAM How does it start. IDO We were on a journey. IAM We have a calling. IDO We know we must. My character will represent the absolute need to take action. IAM And I'll just be here. IDO Representing the absolute need to simply be yourself actualized. IAM I'm just going with the flow. But I'm not sure where we start. IDO Or why. IAM I'll be here. IDO Eating candy. IAM Like that movie, with the coins. IDO Exactly. They're all yellow. IAM Creates an air of suspense...and candy. (IAM throws em&em, IDO catches it.) IDO You don't think it's too gimicky? IAM Not at all. It helps get us started. IDO We run through some comedic banter establishing our desires and motives. Introduce the struggle. IAM What struggle? IDO This struggle. IAM Are you blocked. IDO By you, may we continue? IAM Doubt always enters. Maybe we SHOULD just watch a movie. IDO Excellent idea. The de facto distraction. The constant battle between doing what we perceive as productive and creative against the quotidian and mundane. Life is too short and so on...fear of failure and that sort of thing. IAM All fear ultimately being of death, all activity needing completed before the end, is that what you mean. IDO Stressful, yes. What did you do with your life. Sure maybe someone will remember for some great thing, but did you enjoy it while it was happening. IAM You'll get all intellectual. I'll find some stuff around the stage for putting on a show. Like a guitar. IDO That's great. And a briefcase full of scripts, taunting us with their completeness. In fact I will be rummaging offstage at the beginning alluding that something is out there, waiting to happen. You'll build a musical theme and... IAM Oh I get it, you meant the struggle in the story, our story. IDO Building a musical theme and telling a story further demonstrating the story in the story. IAM Themes within themes. Sounds serious. IDO We'll add some comedic activity around your speech, which leads to me wandering offstage and finding the briefcase filled with scripts, which I will rummage through. IAM We could talk some more. IDO Banter, banter. IAM I hope it's funny. IDO Then the revelation. The first real step on our journey to actualization. IAM I'm so excited, what happens next. IDO We put on a show. IAM I thought we were. IDO We are, are you paying attention? IAM What's the show about? IDO Us putting a show. So we try to decide what type of show to do. IAM Shouldn't we have a story. IDO Exactly the point. We'll act out various absurd examples... IAM Realize it's not working... IDO Get depressed and decide not to put on a show. IAM I'm confused. IDO Perfect. End of ACT one. IAM That makes no sense. IDO We'll emphasize the ongoing struggle by starting the second ACT like the first. IAM (Sung like Violent Femmes) Second verse, same as the first. Just last night I was reminded of... IDO Not exactly but close. We'll remember our goal, attempt to start, and get frustrated. IAM Can't things just be easy? IDO It wouldn't be a story then. IAM What if I suggest a story? IDO You suggest a story from the briefcase. IAM We act out stories further demonstrating our situation. Like Julius Caesar. IDO What's that signify. IAM I don't know. IDO Nevermind, we'll work that out later. IAM Doubt is coming. IDO No we can do this. IAM No really. And I think she's with them. Doubt enters. DOUBT Well, are we watching a movie? IAM More like a play really. DOUBT Still on about the show then. IDO We've really got something. IAM It has a movie in it. DOUBT Really? What's it about. IAM Well the movie isn't actually in the play. DOUBT The show! IDO The classic story of the artists need to create and other related existential happenstance. DOUBT It's been done before. IAM So has Julius Caesar and we're not sure why. DOUBT So show me. IAM Well it's a show in the show and we haven't quite... IDO We'd be happy to. BLACK OUT. Lights come up with the scene reset as begining of ACT 1. IAM throws em&em to IDO at the beginning of each of his lines. IAM Yellow. IDO What are you? IAM I don't know. IDO What? IAM (IAM throws last em&em) I am. IDO (Mouth full of em&em) What are we doing? IAM What? IDO I don't know. IAM Okay. IDO Okay. IAM Who are they? IDO Them. STAGEHAND/DOUBT Who am I? IDO A distraction. STAGEHAND/DOUBT I'll go. IAM Another time. IDO What now? IAM I don't know. IDO And I quote, "What's the point?" IAM Life. IDO So what now? IAM I don't know. IDO A show. IAM Okay. IDO Okay. IAM Rock n Roll. They rock out for a moment. IDO Never work. Dance show? They dance. IAM Moving. No, bad idea. IDO A musical then. IAM (Sung) I don't think so. IDO What's the point. IAM We must. IDO Really. IAM We must. A funny show. IDO Okay? IAM Okay. IDO Okay! IAM Okay! IDO End of ACT 1. Intermission, for formality. Begin Act 2. IAM Yellow. IDO What? IAM Same thing. IDO Okay. IAM What? IDO I don't know. IAM Try someting. IDO Here we Godot. IAM Are we waiting? IDO Yes. IAM What now? IDO And us? IAM Inevitable. IDO Show me. CROWD Hail Caesar! Sword play. IDO and IAM die. BOTH AAAHHHH! STAGEHAND/DOUBT Want to watch a movie. IDO The show. IAM What movie? STAGEHAND/DOUBT What about real life? IDO Show us. IAM We are brothers. IDO We work too hard. IAM Let's go be Samurai. STAGEHAND/DOUBT You guys stupid. I am a janitor BOTH We are stupid. STAGEHAND/DOUBT You see? IDO Doesn't work. IAM (Like superheroes) We are storytellers. STAGEHAND/DOUBT Bye. IAM But... IDO The show. IAM Our show. IDO This show. IAM Oh, I get it. (Pause.) This is the first line of the beginning of show that they just finished watching. IDO And here we are. IAM What do you think. DOUBT Interesting. Want to watch a movie. IDO It is getting late. We should do something. IAM Let's watch a movie. IDO Okay. IAM What are we going to do tomorrow. IDO This. The end. IAM SCRAGZ Lsdkfjsd IAM Klsdfj IAM